


Hold it in dear, let's go dancing

by theorangewitch



Series: Angstober [17]
Category: Critical Role (Web Series)
Genre: Angst, M/M, Reminiscence, canon character death
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-10-22
Updated: 2018-10-22
Packaged: 2019-08-05 15:53:37
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 724
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16370588
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/theorangewitch/pseuds/theorangewitch
Summary: “Because if you are, it doesn’t matter. We’re only passing through, Mister Caleb. If you don’t want to see this tavern again, we won’t.”There was a lot of Molly in those words. We’re only passing through, he said. It seemed to Caleb that there was no place in the world that Molly wasn’t “only passing through”.





	Hold it in dear, let's go dancing

**Author's Note:**

> Me? Writing another Angstober Prompt about Molly? It's more likely than you think. 
> 
> Oof. Made myself sad with this one. The title comes from "Time Is Dancing" by Ben Howard which is a widomauk song. 
> 
> This is for Day 21of Angstober - Reminiscence. You can find the link to the full Angstober prompt list in the author's note of the first work in this series.

Many of Caleb’s happier memories involved dancing. When he was a child his parents would take him to the Harvest Close festival in the village where he grew up. He would eat chunks of warm bread and pumpkin seeds and his parents would twirl him around the enormous bonfire in the center of the town square, the cheery music of fiddles carrying through the brisk autumn air. Later in life, while he was at the Soltryce Academy, he and his peers attended a dance. The students didn’t often go to the festivals in town, nor did the Academy hold its own celebrations, but they’d wanted a little fun, and a break from their often intense studies. 

It had been Astrid’s idea, this dance. She’d stolen the key to one of the ballrooms where the school hosted diplomats and nobles and she’d broken everyone in on a quiet spring evening. Caleb had danced with her that night, and with Eodwulf, and the three of them had danced in a circle together, reveling in the joy of the night. 

After that night, he didn’t dance for many years. There was no dancing in the asylum. And he didn’t dance when he lived alone in the woods. 

And then he met the Mighty Nein. And there was enough joy and life in his world for him to dance again. Nott on her own was a force of light an energy. In the Leaky Tap on one of the rare nights they had music, he twirled her around between his fingers the way his mother used to do with him. He barely shuffled his feet, not even trying to keep up with her. And then there was Jester in the Blushing Tankard, and she was smiling in a way that made him see Astrid behind her eyes and think of the last time he’d felt safe and content. 

But in between those times, in a tavern that had no name in a town that had no name, he danced with Molly. Briefly, but joyously. There was a bard playing that night, a real one, a man whose name he didn’t remember but who had unforgettable golden eyes and a mop of black hair on his head. He played the lute with such grace and prowess that even Beau became restless at their table, tapping her toes to the music. 

“Dance with me, Beau!” Jester said, her eyes shining. And soon enough, Beau and Jester were spinning around the tavern so fast that Caleb thought they’d crash into a wall. 

“Caleb?” a voice said. It was Molly. “Do you want to dance?”

Caleb was so shocked at the question that he didn’t answer. 

“Are you embarrassed?”

“No,” Caleb replied, because he wasn’t. He just didn’t know if he had the heart to. Not yet. 

“Because if you are, it doesn’t matter. We’re only passing through, Mister Caleb. If you don’t want to see this tavern again, we won’t.” 

There was a lot of Molly in those words.  _ We’re only passing through _ , he said. It seemed to Caleb that there was no place in the world that Molly wasn’t “only passing through”. 

He didn’t know what made him get up and dance with Molly that night, but he found himself wrist-to-wrist with him, dancing slow circles around each other. Molly’s eyes were rubies set in amethyst, and they lit up with the torchlight along with the pure joy of being in a warm tavern in the middle of a cold night. Among friends. Safe. Content. 

Caleb wasn’t stupid. He knew that Molly bore a certain affection towards him. But he was in no place to reciprocate. Molly seemed to know that as well, and Caleb watched Molly as he watched Caleb from afar. It wasn’t until that night, the soft light glittering off of Molly’s jewelry, that Caleb thought,  _ Okay. One day. Maybe one day, when I am clean again, I could love you too.  _ He rarely thought of the future in such extant terms, but on that night, he did. Molly had that effect. For such a transient being, Molly instilled feelings of such certainty. 

And now he was gone, passed through this life as he did through everywhere else. And Exandria spun faster than ever, tilting on an even deeper axis, sending Caleb hurtling into wall after wall. 


End file.
